Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Cougarific C4: 1984 Chevrolet Corvette

I won't try and list the number of things that are simultaneously wrong and hilariously awesome about the next craigslist advertisement, but it starts with a statement about the price being as firm as Selena Gomez and finishes with a quip about parachute pants. Just don't click the link if you are easily offended because this might be what they call a trigger.  Find this cougarific 1984 Chevrolet Corvette offered for $2,900 in Ft Meyers, CO via craigslist. Tip from dascpcu.

The C4 Corvette was designed by Jerry Palmer who had penned the sleek quad-rotor Aerovette a few years prior.  The Aerovette was to be powered by a 420 horsepower melange of rotary powered mid-engine goodness, but was canned when the GM upper management sobered up. Many of the styling cues from the Aerovette ended up in the next generation Corvette, but with a conventional small block V8 mounted up front.  The C4 is somewhere at the bottom of its depreciation curve, so get 'em while they're cheap.

See another classic 80s car that attract cougars like an NSYNC reunion tour?


  1. Sadly, the Craigslist ad has been flagged for removal. Now we will never know...

    1. I found it re-listed in what appears to be its original text and updated the link. Set your drink down before you start reading it or you may hydraulically stress your nasal passages

    2. Thanks Hunsbloger, that was worth the spilled coffee!

  2. A friend of mine bought one of these and I helped him work on it. This year really has a horrible fuel injection system (cross fire). The following year they put on the tuned port injection that was so much better.
    The thing I really like about his car was when you would tilt up the front clip it would expose the super wide front tires allow great access much of the front end.

    1. @Sean....I dated a girl in college who had an 84 also, and I couldn't agree more. It was a dog. I think this became most apparent to me when we drove to the NC mountains one day and were on a Tail-of-the-Dragon-esque road, driving at 9/10, and I look in my rear view mirror and see a Chevy S-10 with drag slicks right on my ass---couldn't shake him.

    2. In the early 90's I managed an apartment complex where every time one tenant would pull out in his '84 Vette, he'd lay the puniest little patch you've ever seen. As pathetic as it was, it was annoying everyone because it was typically early on Saturday mornings and just noisy enough to wake people up; they would in turn complain to me. So one morning, after having been awakened for the 10th weekend in a row, I decided to talk to him yet again upon his return. When he saw me upon his return, I could tell by his expression that he was ready to stiff-arm and polite discussion. (Its starting to sound a little bit like a western now isn't it!) Recognizing that talking would get me nowhere, I just asked him to stand there for a second while I showed him something. I backed my beat up 300 cid inline 6cyl Ford F100 pickup out of the garage, put her in granny low and worked her all the way through 1st, 2nd and halfway into 3rd gear (which is like 2nd in most trucks) putting him to complete shame in both smoke and distance covered. Other tenants were now looking out their windows and smiling instead of frowning. Then, to put the final nail in the coffin, I parked the truck and rather than walking back to him, I got into my Saab 900 Turbo and delivered the same treatment with FWD. When I was through, I just paused, looked at my motorcycles as if trying to decide which would be the noisiest and smokiest and walked away. He never did it again. Now, imagine how differently that would have played out with a 60's Corvette or even a C5. I would have been forced into a diplomatic solution :)

    3. If we had thumbs up here, I would have pressed it....repeatedly. Great story Hunsbloger.

    4. "300 cid inline 6cyl Ford F100 pickup"
      I had a 69 that I drove in nyc in the late1980s. With skinny light truck M+S tires it was so easy to spin the tires with no forward motion that I'd just do that rather than honking the horn in certain situations where one might feel compelled to do a bit of honking while stationary. Ever since I'v thought that an electronic car horn that played the sound of tire squealing would be so much more effective than the usual variety.

      When drifting became popular I always thought that a Ford F100 with the 300 6 on truck tires would be just the thing for going sideways slowly with smoke.

    5. You got it Hugh! It had such an angry utilitarian (read: tractor-like) sound to it that it was the ice cream served on top of that particular piece of humble pie!

  3. First off, that's one of the best CL car ads I've seen in a long time. I'm not sure whether the random misspellings add or detract, though.

    And, yeah, 'Cross Fire Injection' ... "Hey, guys, you remember those dual-quad manifolds for the old Z28 motor? Let's do something like that, but with a couple little J-Car TBIs...and a lot smaller runner cross-section, 'cause this turkey won't rev past five grand anyway."

  4. Ha ha what a great ad. Hope it stays up. That took some creativity

  5. How much new coke?

    Oh, that new coke. Nevermind.

  6. For our children's children ...

    Cougarific Panty droppin' 1984 Corvette - $3500 (N ft myers)

    fuel: gas
    odometer: 148000
    title status: clean
    transmission: automatic

    First off this thing needs some work, just like the girls you can pick up with this 80's pimpin' whip, but it's cheap, just like the chicks you can pick up with this 80's pimpin' whip. Grab your gold chain and fluff up your chest hair and come on down and take this thing home. First year C4 generation, and everyone knows the first year is the best, hopefully it was built on a friday afternoon to, cuz nothing keeps you focused on work than thinking about all the hedonistic coke filled debauchery, and brain cells your gonna kill over the next two days. It runs and drives, starts right up, needs minor glitch stuff. Cougar magnet, this car is hardwired into the brain of the middle aged, cuz this was the car to be in when they were Kittens. You'll be finding wal mart brand granny panties and notes from divorcee's left and right under the wipers when you park it. Nicest car in the trailer park, at least it shines and looks good going down the road. Tons of tread, unlike dem cougars am I right? pick a side and work up some friction. Top is removable, but it is cracked, but it does not get wet inside (there is another cougar joke in there somewhere). A/C needs a combo line (I like combo's) Digital dash is wonky, yes I said wonky. Radio does not turn on but who needs it over the roar of the bad ass crossfire engine (there is a combo of words never uttered in the Corvette world) and the middle aged screams to slow this bad mutherphukkin road rocket to hell. After all this was one of the 6 fastest cars in the world that you could buy in 84. It's also the best handling (watch dem dentures girl) in the world with the optional Z51 suspension. Hark back to a simpler time with 30% interest, Flammable Micheal Jackson hair, and hours of moving a dot around on your TV screen, and get this too expensive to use as K.I.T.T. on Night rider ride. Comes with Members only jacket, new coke, and parachute pants (no it doesn't) Come see it at 126 pondella rd N ft myers 33903 ask for Magnum.


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