Wednesday, November 12, 2014

10k: Good Grief! 1980 Oldsmobile Cutlass Monster Truck

 I have to be honest.  When I first saw this thing, I wanted to hate it.  A chopped and monster trucked Oldsmobile Cutlass with a hotwheels theme?  First reaction is revulsion...tinged with denial.  Follow DT through the 5 stages of Good Grief as we checkout this 1980 Oldsmobile Cutlass Monster Truck currently bidding for $8,500 reserve-not-met, located in Salisbury Mills, NY via eBay with 5 days to go.

Stage 1 -- Denial.  It isn't just a river in Egypt anymore.  I hate it. This isn't cool.  Chopped roof isn't going to help with anything other than fitting inside parking garages after the lift.  There is no way my family will ever fit. Nope.  Nope.  Nope. 

Stage 2 -- Anger.  Hideous, heinous, kill it with fire.  What kind of idiot puts 150 lbs of diamond plate in the engine bay?  And who paints all the pieces is his engine bay with flaky metallic paint.  Why have louvers in the hood if the diamond plate false hood seals them up -- there is NOTHING good about this car.

Stage 3 -- Bargaining.  Look, I get it.  This car has rear wheel steering, which is great, but what if I just converted everything back to stock. I could bring the suspension back to the ground.  Get a new green'll look like new.  I just need to buy it and then get a donor car for 99% of the parts.

Stage 4-- Depression:  Why bother?  The sadness is overwhelming, but I could drive this or just keep my Prius.  Either won't matter, because we are all going to die from global warming, deforestation and holes in the ozone layer anyway.  What difference does it make what I drive?

Stage 5 -- Acceptance.  From the rear 3/4 view, it doesn't look that bad.  The rear steer will be really handy for parallel parking.  Big power.  Unique looks.  Yeah.  I'll take it.

See another car ready for the 5 stages of grief?


  1. I had a 86 cutlass with the pillow seats. SO comfy. Remove the diamond plate, and take it wheeling. That's is what I would do with this thing. Maybe a snorkel, would that make it prettier? Is it running lockers?

  2. Holy buzz cut batman! How would someone over 4'9" fit?

  3. 1. Obtain sane intake setup.
    2. Remove diamond plate and replace hood with stock.
    3. Get less ugly-ass wheels and some real tires.
    4. 4WD/4WS donuts.

  4. @TGM, well recline the seats "ala gangsta lean"

  5. Gentlemen, we've discovered the first redneck donk!

  6. I think that's the Oldsmobile Diesel hood ornament. Oh, god, it is... Well, thanks to the indubitable 650 HP from the Camaro engine (as well as the turquoise metallic intake) we can count one last blessing, it's not rolling coal. $8500 reserve not met. I wonder what those rally co-driver instruments measure!


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