Monday, October 22, 2012

10k: 1996 Hummer H1 Limo "Oceans 1"

If you have a large family and find that you are exceeding the limit of minivans, but don't like the fuel economy of full sized vans - we want to point you to used limousines.  Limos can cost mega-bucks when new, but for some reason are very cheap used, possibly due to questionable build quality and the lingering stench of vomit.  Let's hope that isn't the case for this 1996 Hummer H1 Limo, which is for sale in St. Pete Beach, FL from a character called "Limo Bob" and is currently bidding on ebay for $10,000 with 3 days to go.

This limousine started life as a Hummer H1 - a civilian version of the HMMWV (High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle) built by AM General in Indiana.  This Hummer was stretched into a limo shape by "Ultra" - but this is done by cutting the vehicle in half and extending the frame/cab/body/driveshaft to a desired new length, in this case 38 feet.  The seller doesn't mention which engine propels this beast - so we assume it is the less desirable gasoline engine 5.7 liter Vortec V8 (the diesel would be faster and offer better fuel economy).  

The seller calls this Hummer "Oceans 1" because it has multiple fish tanks and a six person hot tub above the rear wheels.  Given the typical uses for a limo's hot tub we can't begin to imagine what kind of diseases are festering in that crystal clear water - so we'd highly recommend a drain, fill tub with bleach, drain and then fill with gasoline, light it on fire..then fill with new water.

The inside of this limo will also need a thorough disinfecting before you turn it into a motorhome or whatever you plan on doing with it.  If you did plan on using it for commercial limo purposes - the seller offers a free limo business consultation...and he values this at $10,000...but we aren't so sure.

For some reason the seller includes this choice photo of the Four Horsemen of the Douchepocalypse.  We are led to believe the Caucasian Mr T. is indeed Limo Bob, but why is he with what looks like a guy parading as a New Orleans saints player and two guys from the latest Twilight Saga movie? We try to avoid reality television as we believe it is a perversion and ultimately damaging to the soul, so perhaps these guys are from Jersey Shore or MTV Real World Gomorrah...? 

See another pace car of the Douchepocalypse?  email us here:


  1. "The Four Horsemen of the Douchepocalypse"

    DT just became my favorite site.

    1. As to this "vehicle" and the listing...there is so much horribly wrong here, I simply don't know where to begin.

    2. Despite my better judgement, I just clicked on Limo Bob's website. Terrifying, yet hilarious in an incredibly pathetic way.

      Spoiler alert: This H1 limo is - by far - the most boring and tasteful monstrosity on the entire site (and that includes "TV Star Bob"). Jersey Shore "stars" would be embarrassed to hang out with this guy.

  2. The guy on the right looks like a cross between Darth Maul and Mr. T. I'm sure the Hummer would scare the hell out of pennicillen.

  3. ~ Limo Bob says 'diesel, all H-1's were diesel'

  4. Methinks if you inspected the interior of this vehicle with a blacklight you would probably need about five years of psychotherapy to make the nightmares go away.

  5. Just because you said don't click... I clicked. What has been seen cannot be unseen. Limo Bob's Old Lady is posing for the AARP Players Club. My favorite nightmare has to be the Boeing 727 Limo. It even has storage bins for all the dead hookers and blow you acquire at your next corporate getaway. Sign me up Limo Bob!


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